Unbeknownst to her, Brittany never realized that she would be dumped by the guy who began the journey of depression with her. How could he play with her mind, toy with her heart, abuse her spirit, then...just up and leave?! Didn't he hear her cries of desperation as she shied away from any and everyone?! The cries of her heart wanted her mother to be alive and well again. And he knew that! But life made it extremely clear that her heart's desire would never happen.
Lying still on her bed, Brittany began to replay the events that unfolded the day before. The yelling. The screaming. The tears. The pleas of desperation coming from within could be heard through the thin walls of her apartment bedroom. Brittany's former lover had no interest in being with someone who lived in such a dark state. He told her that he was interested courting another girl. But Brittany knew in her heart that they weren't just getting to know one another, but that they were dating. For goodness sake! Did he think she was that stupid?! She saw that he changed his relationship status on Facebook AND tagged the new girl in it! Everyone knows it's real when you put it on FaceBook.
Brittany shook her head at the thoughts running through her mind. Yesterday, she saw herself break down in a way that caused her to not recognize who she was. Who had she become? Why can't she ever be loved...the right way? Will she ever find fulfillment? When will the darkness subside? All she wanted was for someone to fill in the gaps of her broken heart. But everyone who tried failed miserably.
You see...Brittany was in such a dark state that she couldn't look at herself in the mirror. The mirror was her enemy. The mirror revealed the pain behind her eyes. And the tears that escaped...flowing freely down the length of her face. At times, when Brittany glanced in the mirror, she wanted to punch the image before her and shatter it into pieces. Thoughts of why she ever existed ringing in the back of her mind. Why did God bring her so much pain? What did she do to ever deserve this?! Wasn't he her protector? Her Father?
The mirror showed Brittany who she was in that state. It wasn't the mirror that brought her pain...it was herself. Brittany would look in the mirror and wouldn't identify the girl looking back at her. Failing to identify who she was...took Brittany on a long journey to find herself in people and things. On her journey to find herself, Brittany would accidentally pick up spirits, idols, doctrines, beliefs, characteristics, and behaviors that didn't line up with her identity.
On the day of complete and utter despair, the pain in Brittany's life collapsed on top of her attempting to smother her...and the only thing she could do was to reach how her hand to her Father. The man who was always there quietly waiting. And the same Father who would pull her free from the debris of her life. He knew what she went through and He knew that her identity would only come through Him. Brittany found comfort in her Father's arms. She cried. She yelled. And she expressed her pain to Him in a way that allowed the process of healing to manifest. In her Father's arm, she learned what true love felt like...
As I share a dark place of my past, I want to encourage you to find your identity in God. He loves you. He adores you. I tell you this...You may have endured pain and suffering in your life, but He uses that pain to make you stronger. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. He knew that He wanted you even before you were born from your mother's womb. He marked you as His. And He intends for you to know that for yourself. Allow yourself to find your identity in YOUR Father. The Father who wants to shower you with love. The Father who wants to talk to you about any and everything. He wants you to know that He will cover you, protect you, love you, and provide for you. If you allow Him in. You no longer have to be confused about who you are because you have Father who loves you. Remember that...
Are you ready to find your identity in Him?